There's a quote by George Macdonald that I can't find at the moment, but the essence is that painful grief doesn't come after someone dies because we loved too much, it comes because we loved too little. He was saying that we shouldn't withhold love while our loved ones are alive because this will make their passing that much more painful. No, we should not fear grief when we've poured out our love when people are alive. That's the gist of the quote.
I spent the evening last night, having dinner with my mom and dad. I brought my dad some fresh strawberry shortcake for Father's Day. I dropped it off near supper time so they could have it for dessert. As I prepped it for them they invited me to stay for dinner. All they had was a hotdog and hamburger, but I was welcomed to them if I wanted. I didn't want to impose and resisted, finally giving in to their genuine and sincere invitation. I have to admit that I was hoping they would invite me because over the last several years, I have had the honor and privilege of enjoying many a meal with two of my favorite people on the face of the earth. I've taken the time to get to know my parents.
Because they are so kind and giving, they usually spend time asking about me and asking questions about my life. But over the past several years, I've made it a point to get to know them, to take time to listen to their hopes and dreams and sorrows. I've had the honor to hear their heart. I've even heard many stories about their life, things that made me laugh and cry and see my mom and dad in a new glorious light. These times are a taste of heaven for me because I know that as mortal creatures, I won't always have the privilege of spending time with them this side of eternity.
I've determined that I will not regret their passing because I spent too little time loving them to my full capacity. I realized that whatever hurts, past or present, are not worth holding on too. I learned this from them as I've dealt out my fair share of pain through my own selfishness inconsideration while always being recieved with open hearts and open arms by my mom and dad at times when I really didn't deserve it.
I've learned more about being a parent from my mom and dad than from anyone else in the world. I ain't always perfect with my own children and have had times periodically where I've had to apply what I've learned from my parents. But I've learned that relationships aren't always easy but they are worth it.
In the book of Romans, chapter 12, verse 18 the good Book says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." I take that verse very seriously. I can honestly say that any broken relationship in my life, including my divorce or being estranged from various friends or family, is not perpetuated by me. I try to repair and restore as much as I can, but there are always two in relationships and if the other refuses to reconcile, there is little you can do except put it in the hands of God and let Him work where I cannot.
On this Father's Day, I know there are fathers who are hurting because they see their mistakes and shortcomings. All I can say to them is, it's not too late to ask forgiveness for the things you have done wrong. Do it even if your throat closes up and your chin quivers. I learned this from my own mom and dad as they've both asked my forgiveness for things they regret saying or doing when I was younger. I've done this with my own children. Do what is in your power to do. You are not responsible for their response. They may receive it or not, but God will bless and honor your repentance.
And those of you who grieve Father's Day because your own earthly father brought you unbearable pain and suffering, forgive him. There is no other way. Your dad was or is a broken human being, but he is a human being nonetheless. Free your own heart so that you can be liberated from the burden of hurt, hate, and resentment. I believe our forgiveness releases God's power in the other's life. And then, come to the Father through Jesus and you will know what real fatherhood and true love is all about.
I hope my open and honest reflections have helped someone, but even if they haven't I am glad I can take this time to say happy Father's Day to my dad. Love you pops. And mom, thanks for the hotdog and hamburger. They were delicious.
