By Norman H. Patterson Jr.

Seeking Forgiveness

One of the most difficult, but important steps in recovery is seeking forgiveness from those you’ve hurt. It’s one thing to forgive those who hurt you. It is a whole new level to look into the eyes of someone you dearly love and deeply hurt and say, “Please forgive me.”

Why Sorry Isn’t Enough

Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t go far enough. Being sorry is about you. It’s about your feelings and how the wrong that you did affects you. Asking forgiveness is about the person you hurt. It is about what you did to her. It’s how what you did affected his life.

Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t ask anything of the person you are apologizing to. It tells him that you are sorry, but it doesn’t require any action on his part. Asking forgiveness is calling her to make a choice. Will she forgive you or will she hold on to the hurt?

Saying “I’m sorry” avoids facing the pain you brought into someone else’s life. Pain avoidance is one of the primary reasons we get ourselves into trouble as human beings. How much of our destructive and addictive behavior is rooted in the simple fact that we are running from pain? To ask forgiveness faces the pain in a profound way, but it is a healing pain rather than a destructive pain.

Saying “I’m sorry” takes courage. Asking forgiveness takes real humility. It shows him that you are serious about reconciliation. Someone always pays the price for the sins we commit against others. Usually, it is our loved ones or our friends who bear the brunt of our failures against them. Asking forgiveness acknowledges that we have hurt someone and gives the opportinity to lift some of the burden of hurt off of the shoulders of the person we’ve hurt.

Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t bring the Cross of Christ into the situation. It is only in the Cross of Jesus Christ that we not only find forgiveness, it is where we can ask for forgiveness. It is there that we can find the reason to seek forgiveness. Jesus Christ took the sin of the world upon His shoulders. It is in the brutality of the Cross that we can find the reason why we need to seek forgiveness. It was our sin that put Christ on the Cross. It is the way of health, healing, and wholeness.

Divine Help

Ask God to show you who you’ve hurt. Perhaps you don’t even need to ask because it tears at your heart day and night. Go to him or her and simply say, “Will you forgive me for….” Whether this person forgives you is now between him and God. You have done what God called you to do. Now leave it in His hands and let Him do His healing work.