By Norman H. Patterson Jr.
The Mirror
I've always been fascinated by people talking to themselves. I wonder who is talking to whom. Who is speaking and who is listening. And who is silently observing this conversation?
The Inner Dialogue
If we could listen to your inner dialogue, what would we hear? Would it be the voice of a kind and compassionate friend comforting you and telling you that you are a wonderful person and everything is going be alright? Or would the conversation be more like this?
Speaker: You idiot? Why did you do that? You are so stupid!
Listener: What the heck is wrong with me? I hate myself!
Many people would be appalled if another human being spoke to them like that. Yet, we abuse ourselves all the time with hurtful and punishing self-talk.
How do you change this pattern of internal abuse?
1. Recognize it's happening
Many people don’t even hear what they are saying to themselves. Do you hear yourself? What are you saying? Perhaps you never realized your own self-talk. Take a moment and think about the type of self-talk in which you engage.
2. Mindfully listen to what's being said
Pretend you are an innocent by-stander eves dropping on a conversation and listen to your own self-talk. Don’t judge - just listen. What do you hear? Mindfully listening is invaluable for healing.
3. Tell someone the dialogue
Do you have a trusted friend you can be honest with? How about a loving family member? It can be helpful to share with someone the things you’ve been saying to yourself. Listen to their feedback. At times, people who love us can help us hear our selves in a different light.
4. Invite the Lord into the conversations
There is One who hears all our inner thoughts. Invite Him into your own personal inner dialogue. But be careful! - some people hear a voice they think is God that is harmful, condemning and destructive. That voice is not God. The voice of Jesus is kind, encouraging and healing. Invite the voice of Jesus into your own personal conversation.
5. Rewrite the script
Pretend you are talking to a child when you do this. What would you say to a little one who was hurting? Would you yell or condemn? Or would you speak words of comfort and encouragement?
Rewriting the script is difficult at first. Old habits die hard. Perhaps you literally need to write a new script that you say to yourself. If you do, keep it handy and rehearse it as if you were auditioning for a play. It’s time to rewrite the script to change the inner negative self-talk.
6. Have compassion when you fail
Success doesn’t happen over night. Even our failures of rewriting the inner script can be an occasion for self-deprecation. Half the battle is recognizing what’s happening. The other half is moment to moment and day to day persistence. If you find that you are beating yourself up, forgive yourself and try again. Try until it becomes part of you.
7. Seek inner healing for the source of the voice
In all likelihood, you weren’t born with the natural desire to beat yourself up. Perhaps getting some professional help surrounding why and where negative self-talk developed. The source could be internalized parental or parent figures. If you find that you are not gaining success in this area, it’s okay to get help from someone who is skilled at inner healing.
8. Daily renew your mind
Finally, the science of psychology is undergoing a revolution. Neuroplastcity and the study of how brain cells change, form, and grow is only confirming what the Bible said thousands of years ago. Romans 12:1 talks about being transformed by the renewing of your mind. Thoughts do not exist apart from our brains. As we do the work of renewing our minds, our brains are literally being rewired. Well-fired neural pathways are difficult, but not impossible to change. Take time each day to work on renewing your mind through rewiring your brain.
Conclusion
Having compassion on yourself. Listen to your inner dialogue. Old habits die hard, but they can be changed with time, energy and work. Love yourself into health and wholeness.
